You’ve probably heard about Tinder, the dating app that has taken over the world in recent years. But do you know how to use it? If not, don’t worry—we have a guide for that!
The first and most important thing to remember is this: Tinder isn’t just about swiping left or right on people’s profiles—you should think of it more like an online version of speed-dating. That means if you find someone you want to chat with but you can’t talk at the time, send them a message after your match expires (usually 1 hour). You might be surprised by who replies!
Now get out there and start chatting!
What is Tinder
Tinder is a dating app that is both available for Android and iOS. The difference between tinder and other popular dating apps such as Bumble, OKCupid, or Grindr is that Tinder has a much more streamlined feature set: it just lets you swipe through people’s profiles. If you see someone you like, you can “like” them. If the feeling is mutual, you’ll be able to chat with them once they’ve liked you too.
Why do people use Tinder?
People use Tinder for different reasons. Some might want to improve their social skills, while others just want a quick hookup. Whatever your reason for using Tinder may be, it’s important that you know what the potential pitfalls are before you engage with it. Here are some things to keep in mind:
The median age of Tinder’s users is between 18-25 years old. [2] That means that if you’re older than 25, there’s a good chance you might get overlooked by other members of the app unless you make an effort to present yourself well. Just like any other dating app or service, your mileage may vary depending on where you live. Nevertheless, it’s important that you check out this map to see if Tinder is available in the country/territory where you are living.
That means that if you’re older than 25, there’s a good chance you might get overlooked by other members of the app unless you make an effort to present yourself well. Just like any other dating app or service, your mileage may vary depending on where you live. Nevertheless, it’s important that you check out this map to see if Tinder is available in the country/territory where you are living. Tinder is heavily skewed toward female users.
How to use Tinder
1. Set up your Tinder profile
2. Swipe right on people you like and swipe left on those who don’t interest you
3. You’ll be notified when someone likes you too
4. You can message and chat with your matches
WHAT NOT TO DO ON TINDER
Tinder may be fun, but it’s not the end-all-be-all of dating apps: there are plenty of things to keep in mind if you don’t want to make a fool out of yourself when using Tinder. Here are some guidelines on how to use Tinder properly:
Don’t be overly picky with your swipes If you like a person, swipe right. You might be surprised by what happens next! Remember, the need for approval is written into human nature: if you send out signals that are welcoming to others, more often than not, they’ll respond positively. Don’t be too demanding This might sound contrary to the advice we gave above, but it’s true! You don’t want to appear as an entitled jerk who expects people to do whatever he wants. That means you should avoid sending messages like this: “Hey, thanks for liking me back.”
When to message someone on Tinder
When should you message someone? It can be hard to know when the right time is to send a message. Here are some tried and true rules:
– If someone’s liked you, it means they’re interested in what you have to say – so don’t wait too long!
– Don’t wait for them to initiate contact first. Remember, this is a digital landscape where there are no social cues that might show that they want to talk to you. If you see that they’ve read your messages but then haven’t responded, don’t give up hope just yet! Some people might need more time before initiating conversation due to shyness or anxiety. Pay attention, then, and reach out again if they still haven’t responded.
– Avoid being too pushy, especially when sending your first message. After all, you might be as interested in them as they are in you, but if the other person is not interested at all, it’s better to end things amicably instead of hounding them like a creep.
If someone hasn’t written back yet
What if the person you’ve been talking to hasn’t written back yet? Don’t panic! It may be because they’re not interested, or it could be that they’re busy with work, school or family obligations. Sometimes, people just need more time than others before initiating a conversation – but if a few days have passed without any contact from them and they haven’t read your messages, it’s a good idea to send a brief follow-up message.
What should you message someone on Tinder about?
Messages matter – they’re the first thing people see when they begin communication with someone new. The right words in these first exchanges will get people to respond well to you… and lead to a second date, if that’s what you’re looking for. Here are some things to avoid:
– Sending messages like these, especially in your first message: “Hey (name of person) I noticed you,” or “Hi how are you?” Remember – as mentioned above, people need time to warm up. You don’t want to come across as a predator.
– Sending lengthy messages right off the bat. You’re dealing with an app that encourages you to make quick snap judgements, so don’t take the chance of going on too long! Keep it short and sweet – they’ll get the idea soon enough. In fact…
How long should your first Tinder message be?
It’s better to keep first messages in the range of characters – you don’t want to come across as needy, after all! People are likely to respond better when you’re concise and direct. If they like what you have to say, then they’ll be more interested in talking with you later on.
How do I get someone’s phone number on Tinder?
It can be hard to get someone’s contact information. After all, maintaining a distance between you and your partner up until now might have been the best way to keep sparks from flying and emotions intact. But if you want to see them again, it’s always good to ask for their number when you think the time is right!
In real life, asking for someone’s number can be difficult for many reasons: maybe you’re shy and you don’t know what to say or do… or maybe they are too. But Tinder has a feature that makes it easier than ever before: it’s called “Passport”. If you notice that the conversation is going well and you want to see them again, try using Tinder’s Passport feature! Here’s how it works:
1. If you haven’t already done so, send your match a message and ask if they’re interested in seeing each other in person. Matching on Tinder is fun, but it doesn’t mean that people are also interested in meeting up in real life – you’ll want to avoid being too pushy. It’s better to play it cool and wait for them to message you back, or else they might not be interested at all!
2. If they are interested in meeting, that’s great news! Tell them that your schedule is busy because of school/work/whatever, and that you can’t meet in person just yet. Instead, offer to exchange phone numbers so that you can talk while you’re busy!
3. They might be hesitant at first, especially if they’re not sure this is a good idea. In that case, ask them what their favorite drink is and say something along the lines of “Well, I can’t meet you in person just yet, but let’s talk on the phone and then maybe we can hang out when your free! I’ll call next time I’m at [favorite drink place]”.
4. After doing some research on their favorite beverage (because dates are more fun when they’re special), pick a time to call them. Don’t forget your manners, and don’t be shy – you’re talking on the phone! You should feel like there’s no big deal in the world.
5. If all goes well, you just might get their number after all! In that case, congratulations! You’ve initiated contact with someone you like, and you’ve gotten a date for later on.
6. It’s ok to follow up with them if they don’t answer your call the first time (they might be busy!), but only do it once or twice. Remember – Tinder is about fun, not stress!
The dangers of ghosting: What not to do when asking for a phone number on Tinder!
Ghosting is something that’s unfortunately becoming more and more common in modern society. Many people think it’s ok to simply stop talking to someone even though you’ve been spending time with them, and no – just because you’re talking online doesn’t mean it’s any less real. Internet “dating” isn’t like real-life dating; it’s actually more dangerous for the other person. Once you get their hopes up by asking them to meet up in real life (if they were interested, of course), and then you ghost them… that can leave a big blow on someone’s self esteem. It can be devastating to feel like an invisible person who didn’t even warrant a “goodbye”. No one likes to feel like they were only used for their time and energy.
With that being said, you shouldn’t ask someone to give you their phone number unless you know 100% with your gut that you’d be ok with them never talking to you again . Tinder is meant to be fun, and it’s more fun if you’re playing by the rules.
If you don’t think you’d be ok with never hearing from them again, then don’t ask for their phone number . If they give it to you, that’s fine – but in any case, make an excuse and try again another day. The real world is a busy place, and you can’t expect them to be able to call you while they’re busy with school/work/whatever.
If they know that you’ll be ghosting (because they asked and got a straight answer), then at least explain why . This isn’t real life dating! It’s Tinder, where it’s much easier and more convenient to just stop talking to people sometimes. Explain that you’re not the type of person to ask someone out on a date and then never call them again – but that this is Tinder and it’s ok if things don’t work out!
How to know they’re interested:
1. They message you first. The best way to get a response is to send them a message first (it’s usually best to avoid the subject line and go right into asking for their number). If they’re interested, it won’t be long until they respond.
2. They ask you to hang out after giving you their phone number. If everything goes well at this point (you were straight with them about not being able to call them, they were straight with you about not having time), they’ll be asking you for a date.
3. They ask if they can have your number because it’s easier than texting. This is an easy way to tell that someone wants to talk to you! It shows initiative, and it makes things more convenient for you both.
4. They add you on Instagram, Snapchat, or another social media site. However they do it, asking for your other numbers is a good sign that they’re interested!
5. They ask you to add them on Facebook instead of giving you their phone number (or vice versa). While this isn’t always the best option, it shows that they’d rather take their time getting to know you than just giving you their number and confessing immediately.
How talk effectively on tinder
Tinder is a little tricky at first, but once you learn the ropes it’s not so bad! There are a few things you should know that will help you start conversations and find people who might be interested.
Use pictures of yourself in your profile
Pictures make up 75% of how your match rates you. To start off with a high chance of getting a match, make sure to post photos of yourself in your profile. It doesn’t have to be just one photo either, so don’t be afraid to let loose and post fun photos because they sometimes show better than selfies!
Start conversations by commenting on their pictures
This strategy works for those who don’t message first, as well as those who message first. In fact, it can be a good idea to message people in two different ways – one where you comment on their pictures and one just by sending them a “Hey” or something similar. This helps you get to know your matches better!
Message more than once
If someone doesn’t respond to your message, don’t give up! Try messaging them again in a day or so. Many people just miss messages or aren’t online very often and won’t see it right away, but will get to it later. Message several times over the course of a week – if they’re seeing it and still ignoring you, then there’s no point in trying to talk to them.
Don’t expect a response right away
If you don’t get a response in 10 minutes, don’t worry about it! It can take longer than that for Tinder matches to respond – especially if they’re at work or busy with school/etc. If someone isn’t responding after a day or two, then move on. It’s not because you’re being ignored! Remember that Tinder is more casual than dating in real life.
Take your time messaging people
Some people message first and ask for numbers right away – don’t do this! Keep the conversation going by commenting on their pictures or something else interesting they say, and then ask for their number later.
Don’t message them too much
Don’t send more than one or two messages in a day if you’re going to be the one who messages first. If you’re messaging someone and they don’t respond immediately, give a few hours for them to reply. Otherwise it seems like you’ll never talk to anyone else!
Don’t wait too long
If you message someone first, it’s good to wait one or two days for them to respond so that they won’t think you are pushy. If you don’t get a response in a few days though, move on. There will be other matches!
If they do respond, talk about the pictures
If your match does reply, try to answer their questions about themselves but also ask them more questions based on what they’ve said. For example, if they say “I love dogs” in the initial message, you can tell them something like “That’s cool! I have a dog too – what kind do you guys have?”
Use your knowledge of the person to spark conversation topics
If you know anything about your tinder match, try to use what you know to start the conversation! If their fave color is blue, comment on their shirt. If they like a certain music, comment on that. You can also make comments related to the location they chose in their profile photo.
Don’t be afraid to use “small talk”
Small talk can feel a little awkward, but it’s not as bad as you might think. Try asking about hobbies, family and interests – something you know from their profile. People are often happy to answer questions like this!
Don’t try too hard
When you first message a match, don’t try too hard to be funny. It’s better to wait a few messages to really get into the conversation before trying to make them laugh or compliment them. Often times if you compliment someone right away they will think of it as an attempt at humor and reply with something like “ha ha.” This can feel a little awkward so it’s best to wait for them to approach the topic on their own.
Don’t be afraid of “flirting”
People often worry that matches will think they’re flirting too much when they say things like “I have a crush on you” or something similar – but don’t let this stop you from messaging your match! If someone on Tinder likes you, they probably won’t care if you say things like that. It’s better to be confident and let yourself openly flirt than try to play it off as a joke.
Don’t worry about being too forward
If you want to ask a match out on a date or for their number, don’t be afraid to do so! If they don’t want to meet up, you can always delete them! There are other matches out there.
Don’t ask for the number too early
If you message someone a little bit first, at some point it’s OK to just say something like “Are you on facebook/instagram?” if you want their number. You don’t need to play 20 questions with them before that.
Remember, people are busy
If someone doesn’t reply right away, it’s not because they don’t like you or aren’t interested – It’s just that they’re probably at work or something else is keeping them from checking Tinder. Keep the conversation going by commenting on their pictures or something else interesting they say, and then ask for their number later.
Example opening massage on Tinder
A really good opening message is important for getting the person you’re talking to interested in what you’re saying. A good opening message is something that they might respond to – a question, a comment about the picture they chose, or giving them facts about yourself. If it’s too personal, you might back off and lose their interest.
If you want to get their attention, say something like “Wow! You look amazing in your profile picture!” or “I love the pictures you’ve chosen for your profile – they’re so interesting/funny.” If you want to be funny, a good opening message is to make fun of something that’s not serious. For example, if they chose a picture where they look like they’re frowning, you could say “You wouldn’t believe how many times I’ve heard people say that my [pouty face] looks like an angry [pouty face].”
Here’s a short list of things to avoid when opening up your Tinder conversation:
Personal questions – The first message shouldn’t be anything too personal.
Compliments – If you compliment the person, they might think of it as a joke or not take you seriously. Wait until you know them better to say something like “I think you’re so cool!”
“LOL,” “Haha,” and other forms of laughing – This can make you seem awkward and will make the person you’re talking with feel uncomfortable.
Requirements – If you say something like “You gotta message me back!” or anything else that gives them a reason to do it, they might not respond just because of that. It’s much better to wait for them to approach the conversation again.
Excessive flirting – If you flirt too much, the person might think that you’re just being funny and don’t actually like them.
Do not mention other people or places – For example, do not say something like “I was going to go here [place] today but they closed early for some reason.”
If someone doesn’t respond right away, don’t get discouraged! If you message someone that you haven’t talked to in a while, it’s okay to wait for them to respond. Here are some things you can do if the person doesn’t respond after a few days
Closing thoughts
Let’s recap all the things you can do to get the ball rolling on Tinder:
-Make sure your opening message is engaging and doesn’t seem too personal or awkward.
-Give them a compliment, but always be genuine – if you’re not being sincere, they’ll know it and avoid talking to you in the future.
-Ask for their number, but don’t put pressure on them. Just say “Do you have any plans for [time] this week?” or “Hey, so what are you up to this weekend?” If they don’t reply to that one either, then get rid of them from your matches and message someone else.
-If you match with a girl and say something like “Hey, cool profile – would love to hear more about you!”, she might call you out on it, but that’s okay. Just be confident and explain why you said it.